As I lay in bed at 4am I found myself pondering the meaning of my existence.
I have done many things in my short life but I can’t think of one thing that really made
a difference in someone’s life.
I think about my problems and how they affect my family, my left hand doesn’t work enough to even hold a soda can. My left arm works very little; both knees are bad, high blood pressure, etc.
Because of all this my wife sherry has to do most things around the house, she doesn’t complain but it makes me feel useless.
Then I start to think of my children, I fathered two children but their mother hasn’t let me see them in almost 7 years. I have 4 step daughters that I love as my own but can’t do the things I would like to do with them. So what good am I too any of them? I sometimes think they would all be better off without me….
Then I think of all the good times I would miss if I weren’t here, and I think of my two children that I haven’t seen that maybe one day they will come find me………
But in all this thinking I still have yet to find a worth to anyone in my life, or a reason for existing.
I can only hope god has a reason for me being here.
Do you every just ponder what gods plan might be for you???? I do all the time…….
My wife sherry has kept me going more then I care to mention, she does more for me then any one person should have to do for another. And yet she still keeps on going, keeping me and the children fed, clothed and keeps the house clean. I can only hope she knows just what she means to this family! I tell her but there
Is only so much you can say, it doesn’t really express how you really feel inside…..if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be here today rambling on about everything and yet nothing.